Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Crazy Train. Welcome to the liminal state of college life. When I say we’re in a liminal state, it means we are between two worlds of existence, in a state of lawlessness, where society’s norms do not apply.
This is not high school boys and girls. Mommy and Daddy aren’t around to tell you when you’re royally screwing up your life, and trust me there are plenty of opportunities to do just that in college, especially with relationships.
The problems you had in high school will look tame next to the romantic dysfunction you can achieve in college. I’ve seen my fair share of people epically failing at love during the last three years at USD.
Don’t believe me? Here come the examples; those who are young and impressionable might want to cover their eyes.
Remember that guy in high school who had the really great girlfriend he was “totally in love with,” and you thought they would eventually get married? He’s here; the only difference is he is now drunkenly grinding on some floozy in the basement of a frat house. Guess he’s not as great as you thought.
There is the girl sitting in the hallway screaming at one of her best friends from high school, in the most profane manner possible, that he is absolutely not allowed to be engaged to the girl he started dating three weeks ago.
It doesn’t matter if “God told him it was right,” and if he goes through with this she will boycott the wedding. In case you’re wondering, that girl was me; welcome to my life.
Then there is the guy who proposes to his girl, only to discover that all of his friends hate her.
When he asks his friend to be in his wedding the short answer is no, but the best friend is thinking in expletives.
If he stands up with him, he knows that when the minister says, “Speak now or forever hold your peace,” he will start speaking and will have to be physically restrained by the maid-of-honor, the other groomsmen and the flower girl to prevent him from going on a belligerent rampage.
This next one is a real winner: the girl who followed her “strong, silent type” boyfriend to college. Turns out he’s silent because he only opens his mouth around her to tell her that she’s inadequate.
He breaks up with her on her birthday, via text message, and starts dating a new girl just to make the first one mad.
It doesn’t work and he ends up marrying the replacement. That, I believe, is the technical definition of douchebaggery.
Add in the friend who is so whipped by his fiancé that his friends joke about him getting “let out of the cage” when he’s in public; the one who dates someone 15 years his senior; those home-wrecking accidentally or on purpose; and the couple who breaks up at least once a month. And you’ve got a veritable potpourri of failing relationships.
Do not despair young ones! There is hope. Even if you find out that your significant other is a huge tool who breaks up with you via text message on your birthday, your life isn’t over.
You might meet a great person who treats you better than the first one ever could, even if he does sing songs about chemistry and gets too excited about physics.
Sometimes love finds you in the places you don’t expect.
Reach Melissa Johnson at Melissa.A.Johnson@usd.edu.
The Volante > News > Freshman Issue 2009
Welcome to the world of college relationships
Published: Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Updated: Tuesday, May 5, 2009
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