In the Know & In the Dark for 3/4/09

IN THE DARK: The Northeast. Earlier this week, New York and Washington, D.C. were blanketed by around seven inches of snow. All those whiners could do was complain, complain, complain. Boo hoo, Northeast! Come through our neck of the woods any time after Halloween for a taste of REAL winter.

IN THE KNOW: German lawmaker Peter Stein. He wants to use DNA tracking to solve a dog poop problem. They’ll keep a database of dog DNA and compare it to unlawful “deposits” so they know who gets the fine. Genius.

IN THE KNOW: The super powerful jet hand dryers in the MUC bathrooms. It’s like you’re breaking the sound barrier.
 
IN THE DARK: Midterms. We’re mainlining Red Bull and No-Doz, staying in the library until it closes and writing page upon page in a sleepy stupor. Don’t you love college?

IN THE DARK: Jimmy Fallon. The king of ruining SNL sketches by laughing has taken over Conan O’Brien’s late night spot. We still haven’t forgiven him for Weekend Update.

IN THE KNOW: The USD spring formal. Modern formals are just booze-fueled weekends hosted by fraternities and sororities. We hope the university-wide event makes the formal classy once again. Hello, 1955!

IN THE KNOW: God. Lindsay Lohan is supposedly converting to Judaism. Wow, Big Guy, you’ve certainly got your work cut out for You on this one.

IN THE DARK: Every campus dining facility. They limited weekend hours, the Bump is never open on time on weekdays, and some students are even locked into crappy meal plans. A university learns on its stomach, and ours is empty.

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