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Last week, I touched upon the topic of chivalry and how it was a disregarded ideal among today’s men. This time around, I’d like to venture to the other side of the spectrum and discuss the business of being smug.
We all know that one guy. He usually goes by his full name, because nicknames are for “the middle class.”
Typically, he has that look on his face like a poor person just tried to touch him.
For reasons unbeknownst to many, this man (who will be referred to as Smugsy Bogues for the rest of the column) walks around with an air of superiority simply because he bought his clothes online from the Brooks Brother’s Web site.
Yes, Smugsy, we all know. You sidestep current fashion trends in favor of your neutral toned cashmere sweater, and for that we thank you, as it allows the endless waves of Eddie Bauer-related jokes to remain in full view.
Seriously though, Smugsy, you have the rest of your life to dress like a polished tool when you’re cooking the books at some big investment company down the road, and as it stands, your old-man outlook trapped in your little-boy body just makes you reek of whatever it was that Benjamin Button had.
And have you ever had to be in class with Smugsy? I have, and it’s less than envigorating.
Although you haven’t really experienced all that college has to offer until you’ve had some dude who’s baptized himself in Calvin Klein’s latest cologne explain in no less than 1,500 words exactly how he feels about that four-sentence long paragraph in your history book.
Smugsy, nobody in your class cares how much History Channel you watch, nor do they want to see how many words you can incorporate from your pocket thesaurus, so please, go back to the yacht club and explain your correlation between the Battle of Antietam and 19th-century, Romantic-Era paintings to your croquet buddies.
The Smug Man’s appreciation for his own train of thought doesn’t end in the classroom, however.
He will talk to anybody that will listen (or anyone who doesn’t have the necessary means to move out of his vocal range), because if there is one thing a smug person likes, it’s the sound of his own voice.
What’s that you said about getting married? Well, allow Smugsy to cut your sentence off and tell you just how lavish his wedding is going to be in comparison to yours. Wait, what did he say? Dave Matthews Band is going to play at his wedding? AND Sen. Saxby Chambliss is going to be his best man? Dearest Smugsy, you will be the light of your wife’s life.
Everybody has their smug moments, and it’s OK. Once in a while we need to remind ourselves that at any given time, there’s at least one person who is worse off than we are, and in most cases it’s that one person we know by the name of Smugsy Bogues.
Reach reporter Flint Farley at Flint.Farley@usd.edu.
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